I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying, ‘ If you do what you’ve always done, then you’ll get what you’ve always got’ or words to that effect. Hearing this or at least understanding this is supposed to help us all change what we do on a daily basis and get different results. But what if different is just too different and we back off from it? What if secretly we are afraid of different?
Would You Like Less Anxiety With That?
I’m sure that if I was to ask you to change what you do to lessen your anxiety, you’d say sure ‘I can do that’ until the day comes for you to do it, and then you don’t. Why? Because you are set in a groove of how you react during your daily life and anything that comes from outside of that causes tension in your body and calls up a lot of uncertainty, something someone who suffers from anxiety doesn’t want to experience.
And if I explained to you and even if I proved to you that the reason you don’t act is because you are afraid of different, you’d deny it because how can anyone be afraid of different if that different only means you do a simple task each day?
It All Started With A Dream
Years and years ago now, on the cusp of becoming self employed, my anxiety was at its peak, and part of promoting your business then was to do a lot of networking, give talks, and basically go up to people and tell them about your business. My dream was to build up my 1-1 coaching business for emotional eaters, but at that time it was so nerve wracking to me that I simply couldn’t do it, so I opted for the least worst option and signed up for a booth at a Mind Body Spirit Fair. There at least people would come to me and that seemed easier.
I Wish I Was A Magnet
So the weekend of the MBS came and I got everything ready, unpacked my stuff and stood there waiting for someone to come up to me and ask me about how my services could help them, ask me what I did how I did it, what results they could expect….. I wanted to be just like a magnet, attract all those new customers to me, as if by magic. Do you see the problem here? I felt so uncomfortable doing different that I was waiting for the customer to sell themselves on my services without me doing very much to help except just show up.
Which reminds me of another saying that isn’t strictly true, it goes like this. 90% of success is just showing up- not true. Yes you have to show up but you still have to put yourself out there and promote yourself and your service.
Will The Lady With The Flushed Face, Averting Eyes, And Closed Body Language Please Speak Up!
Anyway, standing there at my booth feeling so self conscious, anxious and lacking in self confidence and self belief, I could hardly even promote what I did. I seriously was wishing others did the talking and though I was happy to give a leaflet out to those who asked for one, I was most definitely out of my comfort zone talking to them. I was in stress from the moment I got there until the moment it was all over, and honestly that fear never left me even after years of doing the same thing.
For me putting myself in that environment, and having to promote myself was so different that it was anxiety producing and the only reason I kept on doing it was because it was the only way to promote a small coaching business at that time.
Times May Change But We Stubbornly Stay The Same
So roll on a lot of years later and my clients come to me wanting help with their worries, their stuck behaviours, their out of control anxiety and their fears, and I take them through the process of seeing if they are really ready to change, and it dawns on them that though their life is bad at the moment, it’s what they know and it gives them a weird sense of security, changing things now seems scarier.
You can see the dilemma here can’t you? They need to change because things have gotten so bad something has to give but if they come to me, then they have to change either what they think or what they do or both and that means different and bang goes their sense of security wrapped up in their usual and habitual anxiety responses.
So what do they do? What would you advise anyone in that position to do?
Want To Know Why You Still Have Anxiety In A World Full Of Anxiety Helpers?
I would obviously tell them to take the path of alleviating themselves of their anxieties, their worries and concerns that have gotten out of hand, but my words will fall on deaf ears if I don’t first acknowledge and do something about their hidden fear of different is dangerous, bad, fearful, uncertain or other such descriptions.
And so I ask you, is different scary for you too or do you take all that’s new in your stride and you just go with it?
If you’re reading this and your anxiety is still at too high a level for your liking then maybe you are afraid of different too, but had pushed that thought to the back of your mind in the hope that one day you’d just go and do it and get your anxiety under your control.
So if you’ve ever been curious as to why, you still suffer from anxiety with all the help that is available today, maybe, just maybe, for you, you’re too scared of different. And if that’s the case, let me put your mind at rest and show you how just talking to me isn’t different at all, you talk to new people all the time. And once you get over that, all we’ll do is talk some more until your anxiety doesn’t bother you anymore. And you’ll be happier as a result. So call me, I’m here for you.
Happy to help
Speak soon
Elaine
