It Can Be Dicey Whom You Get To Help You Change
In NLP a lot of work is done on state management, and if you know of Anthony Robbins his biggest outcome for his clients is to help them change their state so they can take ‘massive action’.
But, if you suffer with anxiety, even if it only manifests as worry every day, then you may have looked into taking various pills or potions, to calm your reactions or looked into affirmations, hypnosis, or used other talking therapies such as counselling, REBT, CBT, Tapping etc to aid in you feeling better, but which one is best for you?
Feel Better Now or Feel Better For Longer?
Do you know what you really want from the things you’ve tried? Do you want to feel better in the moment or do you want to cope better every single day for the rest of your life? Because depending on which service or solution you choose depends on the results you get.
As you know growing up I had anxiety since high school, I might have had it earlier but I can’t really remember what I was like before school really, but given that, I know that every day I missed out on being able to make friends, play with others, join in or put myself up for school based activities because I was far too anxious to even ask.
Did You Realise That You’re Missing Out?
As an adult, you are going through the same thing because of your anxieties, worries, fears and concerns. You too are missing out on things at work, in your home life and in your life in general because anxiety isn’t just context specific, it seeps into every corner of your life and affects it in a way that you may not want or intend.
Think about your everyday life, the routine you do every day that gets you up and dressed and ready for your day at work or in your business and how you worry about what didn’t get done yesterday, what you need to get done today. How x is going to react towards you if you say what you really want to say. How your parents are going to disapprove if you don’t follow their advice, how your head is so cluttered with the same thoughts that go on and on and on that you’ve hardly got room to think never mind make great decisions.
The Anxiety Cycle Explained
It’s at this point in your anxiety cycle that you can start to lean on others to help you make decisions, help you think things through or simply support your everyday actions for fear that if you fall there will be no one to catch you. I get it I do.
And the next stage? Finding something (food, alcohol, tv…) or someone (parent, spouse, partner, sibling…) or a medium (book, online training, blog…) or professional (doctor, counsellor, therapist…) to help.
This is both normal and expected because when we can’t cope alone we reach out for help.
So two questions come to mind.
- What do you want from what you’ve chosen as your solution?
- For how long do you want their solution to last? (and does it give you this?)
I know the second question is odd, but if you choose a book and it’s full of affirmations, typically they only last a few minutes at most, so they feel good in the moment you say them, but don’t last long term.
But if you chose a doctor then likely they are going to prescribe some sort of medication which can have an affect but stops you feeling bright enough to take all the actions you want to take, they dull your senses at the same time as taking the edge off your anxiety.
Maybe a counsellor .. would be best. This can have both short and long term benefits, but it’s not a quick fix and depending on the type of talking therapy you choose, it could be that you just talk about the symptoms of anxiety with no real goal but to ‘feel better’ .
Be Careful Whom You Choose Because You’re Likely To Get What You Don’t Really Want!
No matter what you choose you need to be aware that some things will make you ‘feel better’ in the short term but if you want to cope better for ever, then we’re talking about deeper work, (and not necessarily from the amount of time it takes)
So if your talking therapy takes 5 years for you to feel you can go it alone now, but you never went deeper than how you react on a day to day basis, then sooner or later you are going to feel like you can’t cope again.
I think you get what I’m saying here.
- You need to know whether you just want to feel good now – in that case affirmations can work or a rah rah video too.
- Whether you want to feel good for longer term- then most talking therapies can help you with this
- Whether you want to change you and become the type of person who doesn’t react like you have in the past but reacts differently, and copes better everyday going forward. If so then you need a specialist who works at the deeper level and changes your perceptions and beliefs.
So what can you do now?
Simply figure out what you want and then ask your chosen solution what short and long term benefits there are to you if you go down their path. This way you will be better placed to not only feel good in the short/medium term but get to a place where anxiety is just something you had, way back then.
I only operate on the way back when approach to conquering anxiety. I find that short term effects are fine, but I want to catch up on what I miss out on every time I had an anxiety response, where the effects can last for weeks, months or years. And it will be the same for you, each time your anxieties take centre stage, you are missing out.
So if this is where you are and you know you want something other than what you are trying at the moment, the don’t roll the dice and take a chance, know that I, like some others, are specialists in changing those reactions of yours permanently, you’ve only to ask.
Happy sleuthing.
Let me know how I can help
Elaine
