There are so many awful things about living with anxiety from how it affects your level of happiness, to how much you can earn, to how healthy you can be, to even how many friends you can have, but for me and most of my clients, it’s the belief that we don’t have it within us to get on with things, to be like other people who are ‘normal’, to just get on with it.
And the shame of this assessment of ourselves is that no one is shouting from the rooftops at us that we have everything we need to get on with it. On the contrary, there are so many books, videos, therapies, drugs, medications we could try to alleviate our internal struggles that tell us that we are broken, that we aren’t okay, that we ‘need’ help and support that unfortunately, we can’t just get on with it.
Just Because You’re Lost Doesn’t Mean That You’ll Always Be Lost
Truth is, after years of having ruminating thoughts drown out any self-nurturing, self-empowering thoughts, we may need some form of help and support. But, that doesn’t mean that we can’t get on with it, it just means we need someone to show us that we already have it within us, and it’s there for us to use for the rest of our time on this earth.
But do you believe this? Do you believe that as an anxiety sufferer, or more precisely someone who suffers with anxiety, you have it within you to make life as you want it to be. That if I took away all your emotional crutches that are stacked up for you to use, that you’d be able to just say, oh hum, it’s alright I can go it alone from here, thanks?
I bet not.
You Forgot To Learn How
Before I had my own realisations stemmed from my belief change work, there is no way I would have believed that I had it within me to do anything else but reach out for something or someone to support me, to prop me up, to carry me for goodness sake, to do anything other than leave me to try and make it on my own.
It’s a sorry state of affairs when as an adult, I hadn’t learnt the biggest lesson for great mental health, which is, ‘If I don’t have it within me now, that’s okay, because I can learn to have it’
Think about that for a moment
If I don’t have it within me now, that’s okay, because I can learn to have it
Imagine yourself as a child with the mentality that you have now as an adult. So let’s say you are at school and as it is with children, someone says or does something and you fall out with them. Not only does that make you feel ‘bad’ it seems like it’s the end of the world because with your limited sense of being able to change things, falling out with a friend is a disaster.
And let’s say though that a teacher said to you, it will all be okay, you’ll make friends again and things will be okay- which invariably it always was. And before you know it you’re friends again and past fall outs have been forgotten.
An Old Head On His Shoulders
As you keep that in mind, imagine now as your 10 year old self that you have your 30 year old self’s beliefs, namely that you don’t have it within you to just get on with things, that you can’t cope, that you need someone or something to help you cope with life, that life’s scary, that being who you are is bad or wrong and no one likes you….
Just imagine that for one second.
Not good hey?
And yet isn’t that what we do now. As a 10 year old, we were actively learning and had the fundamental belief that we can learn how to do stuff because in our world, we didn’t know that much and needed others to teach us things. From using a knife and fork to cut up our food, to tying our shoe laces, dressing, undressing, you name it we didn’t know how to do it at one point in our lives, and then we learn how, and then we knew it.
The First Mobile Phone Was Known As The Brick – Are You Still Operating At Your Brick Stage?
Somewhere along the way we forgot that we are learning creatures and settled on an earlier model of ourselves, the not fully formed us, and decided that we had learnt it all and who we were then, was it.
How sad a day that was for us, wasn’t it?
And there’s no getting away from the fact that this is what we did whether we were aware of making the decision or not.
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
At some point on your timeline, you decided that who you were then was it, and the rest of your life had to be spent bluffing your way through things because if you didn’t have the necessary then, that that’s it for you. (And isn’t this where impostor syndrome starts!!)
Okay I can sit here and tell you that you do have it within you to do whatever it is you want in life, you can feel all the very things you want to feel every day, you are okay- but there is no way you’re going to believe me if for the last few years anxiety, worry, fear, apprehension, self doubt has gotten hold, like an army of marauding ants, they have invaded every part of your psyche, then you are in worst shape than the 10 year old you, because at least then there was hope and expectation of change.
I’ll Have What She’s Having
So what?
Why should you care that you have it within you?
I want you to care because it’s not that you suffer from or with anxiety that is the issue, the real issue is what does it take to go through life believing that you can’t do, can’t feel, can’t have what you need or want? And how come others can do, can have and can feel? What is it they know that if you knew it you could have some of the same?
Why An Ex Smoker Is Always Worse Than A Non Smoker
You know what it’s like when you meet an ex-smoker, or drinker or whatever, and they become all evangelical about not using that crutch anymore, and they bore you silly with it? Well that’s me.
I’m on the other side of that window, looking in as you try and look out but whereas you can only see the mist, fog and rain and wondering how you can navigate that without an umbrella to hand, I can see the sunshine, the clear path, the helping hand, the ability to take that step and navigate all the obstacles just as Indiana Jones did.
Mental Health Doesn’t Mean Mental Defect
Just to hammer home the point some more, if like me, your brain is in fine working order, physically I mean, there are no missing synapses or regions, then unless you’ve been diagnosed as not being able to live without the aid of drugs or other medical interventions, you can change your poor mental health to a richer one. You can change a dodgy thinking strategy, to a more efficient working one. You can just get on with it- for sure.
What you need to do is test this out. See me, see others, but make the appointment, talk things through and if the only belief you change is that you don’t have it within you to you do already have it all within you, then your life will be better for it. So spend your time, your money, and your effort on just releasing this, it is so worth it.
Here’s to unearthing all that is within you.
Speak soon
Elaine
