The only reason you would pay someone to help you manage your anxiety is because of the promise that it works. The idea is that you pay someone, they do their magic, and after some time you are able to get your life back to normal because anxiety is not the driving force in your life. But as with all things, it will take time.
But how much time should it take?
It’s so interesting when I get a new client, and at the back of their mind, usually, is the idea that because they’re paying me to help them, that somehow it’s like magic and I will be able to ‘cure’ all their ills, quickly, quickly being in a few weeks.
[Read more…] about Is Your Therapy Working? And How Would You know?
There is a book called The Magic of Thinking Big, it’s very old but I read it years ago on my self help journey, and from the title you can guess that it’s about thinking big and taking big risks and getting big rewards. That all seems straightforward.
Have you ever been in a situation where your good advice or support fell on deaf ears? The other person made all the right noises but you knew that they weren’t going to implement what you told them and after a while you either thought it must be you, and someone else could get them to change, or you realised that they simply did not really want to change.
There’s long been a debate between nurture and nature and which one has the biggest impact on whom we end up becoming. The idea that nature is your nature and it cannot be changed is compelling. But the idea that it’s all about environment, and it’s nurture that has the last say in whom we can ultimately become, if you are who you are and unchangeable what does that mean for conquering your anxiety?
Ask anyone who has ever been seriously anxious about anything whether they want to react like that, and I can bet that everyone would say that that they didn’t want to and that for reasons known or unknown they reacted like that because they didn’t have any choice.
What goes on in your mind when you react anxiously and yet you want to react differently than that? Do you think that you can’t help it, or it’s just the way you are, or it’s normal and natural to react the way you do because everyone else is the same way?
I grew up with those words branded into my mind so deep and so permanently that even to this day, I can hear my mother’s voice shouting that at me, for what seemed like every day of life growing up.
One of hardest things about anxiety is that it isn’t just confined to you and your reactions, it affects what you do, especially all and every relationship you have. So if you have children, then your anxiety will show in how you treat them, how much patience you have, and ultimately how they should manage their own states as they get older.
You’ve probably heard that saying no is one of the most challenging skills to do well, so that other people, or the other person you’re saying no to doesn’t get upset. And I completely agree that saying no is an art and those who can carry this off deserve their place in history as the most skilful of people.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying, ‘ If you do what you’ve always done, then you’ll get what you’ve always got’ or words to that effect. Hearing this or at least understanding this is supposed to help us all change what we do on a daily basis and get different results. But what if different is just too different and we back off from it? What if secretly we are afraid of different?
Do you know what a worry is made up of? Do you know how you worry and keep on worrying despite what other people may say or even despite what you may consciously know to be the truth?
If we knew each other years back, say when you were at school or college, and I told you then that years after you’ve finished University, got your first job and even gotten married and started to raise your own family, that your guilty secret is that you do stuff that you know is bad for you, but you can’t stop doing it, would you believe me?
If I were to say the words , control, powerlessness, out of control, helplessness, paranoia, insecurity, low self esteem, or even imposter, you’d probably recognise them as the anxious person’s stock in trade of states that they feel on a daily basis.
